November 2020
A Grief Pandemic
Two significant events of Boundless Compassion occurred within this month of November. The first was an energizing Zoom conversation with the BC Core team. Among the topics we discussed, the one that stands out is that of grief in relation to the Covid-19 pandemic. We were in unison in acknowledging how grief is occurring due to the pandemic, certainly caused by the unbelievable number of deaths directly related to it, whether as a family member or a health care worker attending the dying. But the grief extends beyond that—loss of jobs and housing, loneliness from a lack of in-person communication, inability to live as in the past, ongoing debilitating illness due to the virus, etc. We are in a moment of history when compassion for and with those who grieve has become vital.
The second significant event relates to the first. Colleen Shephard and Wendy Mospan hosted a Zoom evening for BCF. Over twenty joined for that. What a fine opportunity to get to know one another better, to hear about each other’s lives and the way each is connected to the BC program. One comment especially stood out for me when coach and counselor Tammy Devine remarked, “We are in a grief pandemic.”
It would seem that the Core Team and other BCF are “on the same wavelength” as we look to the present and the future. Covid-19 has certainly limited opportunities to carry on BC events in the way originally planned. At the same time, it is astonishing how some BCF have managed to continue to offer study groups, Circles of Compassion, and virtual workshops/retreats focused on some aspect of BC.
There are also BCFs who have done little or nothing, waiting for this virus to pass by. Some of this hesitancy is due to a lack of skills regarding use of virtual tools. Some are contending with illness of self or loved ones. It is to other BCF who are simply waiting for Covid-19 to be contained that I say: it is time to no longer sit on the sidelines. The coming winter months can provide space and time to become active as a certified BCF. How? Everyone can begin to gather resources related to grief—stories, music, quotes, books, art… Please do this NOW. By next summer workshops on compassion and grief need to be ready to be offered. You can be a great asset in this regard. (Eventually, we will establish a file on the BCF site with these grief resources.)
The Core Team and I will continue to develop more specifics regarding Grief and Compassion. For now, I encourage all BCF to enter into the planning process by listening, reading, watching, and gathering. Explore topics online. Be aware of the emails and FaceBook messages you receive – look for aspects of loss related to the pandemic, emotional responses related to grief, how to be with those who grieve. (All you have to do is google “grief” and you will be on your way to gathering these resources.)
I recently read an interview by the well-known singer, Bruce Springsteen, whom the interviewer called “an empath.” Springsteen commented on how his songs come about: “You have your antenna out. You’re just walking through the world and you’re picking up these signals of emotions and spirit and history and events, today’s events and past remembrances…. These are the tools of the songwriter’s trade…”
In a similar way, BCF must have their antenna out for the tools of compassion and grief, being aware of the many levels and layers of loss. It is definitely time to gather resources focused on grief as we prepare for the period of post-Covid.
Circles of Compassion and Study Groups
In early 2021, the Core Team will also be looking specifically at how BCF are involved in study groups and the Circles. You will be asked to send details of how you have either led or taken part in these during 2020, and/or how you intend to do so in 2021. More on this when January arrives.
BCF Workshops/Retreats/etc. on the Website
I remind you again of the excellent resources that continue to grow in number due to the generosity and creativity of certain BCF. Please go into the BCF site and check these out so you are not only aware of what is available but can also use this material for your own spiritual growth. By the end of this month, another new retreat will have been added: Resilience by Stella deVenuta. The three files are chock full of specifics and creative approaches related to the topic.
If you have any difficulty in getting into the BCF site, please contact Kate Coates, designer of the website. She will be able to assist you. [email protected] (It may take Kate a little while to get back to you because her work schedule is always full, but she will get back to you.)
Resources for Compassion
Videos
“Love, no matter what”
You may recall in the BC book that I mentioned Far From the Tree. (p.111) The TED talk by the author, Andrew Solomon lasts 23 minutes and is well worth the time. This video has over 5 million views. Solomon shares what he learned from interviews with parents of children who are exceptional or disabled in some way, plus his own story of self-compassion and acceptance. It’s a touching and inspiring talk; definitely relates to compassion for those who are marginalized. (This would be a good video for a Circle of Compassion to use.)
Ho’oponopono”, Ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness
Erin Matteson discovered this through a member of her Circle of Compassion. There are quite a few YouTube videos or blogs with a meditation based on this Hawaiian practice. This could be another option when offering workshops, retreats, or discussing the BC seed of forgiveness in a study group.
Guided Meditation
Jo Kay Boyle sent information on a guided meditation found on the Insight Timer app. In Jo Kay’s words: “It is just beautiful, self compassion and some component of meta-compassion; beautiful imagery for connecting with light. It might be helpful for others looking for meditations for the compassion workshops.” (“Karin Leonard – Heart of Compassion: Loving Yourself and Others.”)
Music (three songs that fit well with BC)
“Come Healing”, Leonard Cohen
Powerful, definitely a resource that could be used with BC retreats, workshops related to grief (especially for self-compassion). You will need to have the lyrics with it because the words are hard to understand. (The lyrics are directly below the video.) This YouTube is titled: “Leonard Cohen-Come Healing (Live in Dublin)” in case you need to google it. The song begins with “O gather up the brokenness” which seems to speak directly to our current cultural situation.
“You Say,” Lauren Daigle
(This connects with self compassion/also healing from lack of self worth, blaming self, failure, etc.) The lyrics accompany the video screen. Here is a sample of the lyrics: I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up.
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know,
“Rise Up,” Andra Day
Good song on hope and courage when people feel discouraged about issues related to social justice or to their personal lives. The lyrics for this song are also printed on the screen. Sample lyrics: “We’re gonna walk it out… Move mountains.. And I’ll rise up like the day, I’ll rise up unafraid, and I’ll do it a thousand times again….
Happy Thanksgiving to each of you, however it is for you, wherever you may be this year. Let us join compassionately with those who lack shelter, food, water, and companionship. As we celebrate this special holiday that we hold dear, we can be grateful for who and what we enjoy, even though we may want more than we can now have in being with those we cherish. Thanks, always, for each of you.
Joyce
Empathy is always perched precariously between gift and invasion.
(Leslie Jamison)
– – – – –
When we stand on the high ridge of respect, we express the best of the human heart. We can free others and ourselves from inner and outer oppression, while nourishing the roots of civility, safety, and sanity. We can look deeply into things and beings as they are, with all their virtues and failings, and hold them with compassion and insight.
(Standing at the Edge, Joan Halifax)
