As I prepare to enter Holy Week, I turn to one of the Biblical personages who enables me to find meaning and hope. For decades now I have identified with Mary standing by the cross during the hours when her son was dying in his final hours. She has become for me a source of strength, compassion, and enduring love. There are countless “Marys” in our world. We need not look far to find them. You may be one of those who accompany someone whose hurt you cannot alleviate. It may be that you are standing by the cross of your own self, unable to lessen what is breaking your heart or diminishing your body. Whoever you are and however it is that you find the cross of suffering in your life, I offer you these thoughts taken from my book, Your Sorrow is My Sorrow, reflections on how the sorrows of Mary’s life weave through our own.
Standing near the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary, the wife of Clophas, and Mary Magdalene. (John19:25)
Mary stood beneath the cross of Jesus. Standing for at least three hours under a hot sun would have been exhausting. Add to that the heartache and sorrow of seeing and hearing a loved one die—how much strength this vigil demanded. The standing posture of Mary tells of her courage and fortitude. In The Four-Fold Way, Angeles Arrien names this posture as that of “the Warrior.” Arrien explains “standing” as a way to become more aware, to be present, to develop endurance. It belongs to one who has a brave heart, relies on inner power, and has a willingness to take a stand for what is good and true. This posture speaks of determination and inner strength to do what needs to be done.
Mary’s stance by the cross reflects those aspects. Her long vigil also speaks of her faithfulness. Mary had the power of love to endure the long wait. She stood as a warrior would stand, determined to be there for her son. She was alert and totally present to his intense suffering. Mary’s presence is a vivid commentary on the resilience of the human spirit. When love is the motivation, one can wait by the cross of another for a very, very long time.
One of the worst hurts is to be with a beloved who suffers keenly and be unable to take that suffering away. No matter how deep, strong, and enduring our love, there are times when we have to accept how little we can do for the one who suffers. Mary embodies this inner stance. She waited as her son slowly died. Her heart never left him as he suffered the dreadful brokenness of his crucifixion. Although Mary could do nothing to stop the execution of Jesus, surely her presence by his cross was a comfort and a wordless message of her unfailing love for him.
Mary did not stand alone. She had the assurance and strength of those who waited with her. We also need others to be there with us in our Golgotha moments. Having them stand with us provides the inner stamina we require to hold up under the emotional weight.
In these Holy Days, let us join with those who are companioning their loved ones in pain. May our kinship be a source of strength and courage for them as they stand by the cross.
Abundant peace,
Joyce Rupp
Prayers from Your Sorrow is My Sorrow
“The Comfort of Others”
Companion of the Suffering,
the touch of your embrace
comes to me in the gift
of those who stand with me.
How grateful I am
for the compassionate ones
who wrap me in their care,
and console me with their kindness.
Source of All Love,
what encouragement is mine
in those you have given to me.
Thank you for their thoughtfulness,
their patience, their empathy.
When they stand with me,
I know in a more certain way
that you have not abandoned me.
“The Heart of Compassion”
Compassionate God,
your generous presence
is always attuned to hurting ones.
Your listening ear is bent
toward the cries of the wounded.
Your heart of love
fills with tears for those who suffer.
Turn my inward eye to see
that I am not alone.
I am a part of all of life.
Each one’s joy and sorrow
is my joy and sorrow,
and mine is theirs.
May I draw strength
from this inner communion.
May it daily recommit me
to be a compassionate presence
for those who struggle with life’s pain.
